The Truth about Authors: Maddie H, professional EA

         Now, if you are reading this post, you probably love to read. You love authors and the books they write, the worlds they create and the characters they bring to life. You anxiously wait for books to be released,  and joyfully celebrate when they arrive. You then spend the whole day reading, refusing to be interrupted, only to finish the book and be greeted by what every reader dreads, a cliffhanger.

        Authors are terrible people. We enjoy making our readers suffer. We do so in various and completely legal manners such as seriously injuring or killing the reader's favorite characters, withholding important information and leaving horrible cliffhangers every chance we get. I know you may be upset to discover that authors are even more evil than the villains we create, but readers must know the truth. These writers who have committed these crimes are Evil Authors, more commonly known as EAs.

      Of course, there is the rare occasion of a "good author." These are the people who write about happy, often fluffy things, such as cupcakes, kittens, and rainbows. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against these things,  but added all together and put into one happy place where nothing goes wrong makes for an incredibly boring book. If I tried to write one of these books, a shark would probably come eat one of the kittens.

     Thus concludes my proof of the evil done by authors. Still don't believe me? Pick up a book that isn't about kittens or rainbows. I rest my case.

      To all the good authors out there, us EAs are sorry for spoiling your reputation. Ha, did you really believe that? We have no regrets of our evil deeds. Good-bye. Have fun with your kittens and rainbows.